Adopting the Older Child by Claudia Jarrett

Author:Claudia Jarrett [Jewett, Claudia L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Common Press

"The Downs"

As time passes, the incidents of things disappearing at school slack off, though on several occasions Maggie brings things home which Maureen makes her return to the school’s lost and found. The stealing situation seems to be improving, but things are not so good between Maggie and her mother.

In the past Maureen has been able to work out or learn to live with Maggie’s problems. There have been some times when she has needed the help of the parents’ support group, and she has been glad that their agency had this kind of post-placement service available. But although Maureen has actually handled Maggie’s stealing quite well, the episodes have shaken her deeply. She has the uncomfortable sense that Maggie is not to be trusted. She does not like to have to act like a suspicious policeman towards her daughter. And now she has the underlying sense that additional trouble with Maggie could come at any time. Her serenity and pleasure in mothering are gone. She feels inadequate, resentful, and frightened. Because she blames Maggie for the way things are going she has lately become increasingly critical, impatient, jealous, and angry with her daughter. This makes things even worse; she feels guilty and down on herself. It is hard to do things for Maggie because Maureen finds herself begrudging the effort.

The two major causes of adoption “failures” or disruptions in older child placements are fear and a sense of being out of control. The fear usually contains elements of:

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